Ditch the Victim’s Mentality. You have the power to take control over… | by Ian McCarthy | Jan, 2022

You have the power to take control over your own life.

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“A victim mentality refers to a state of mind in which a person feels helpless and as though the world is against them.”

– Arlin Cunic

Throughout most of my life, I have seen myself as an unlucky victim to life’s circumstances. Everything felt like it was happening to me: mental health issues, a body that continuously was breaking down, a self-diagnosis of a lack of talent, and more. I felt like I didn’t have control over many aspects of my life, so I just decided to wait until everything got better. Why try if I didn’t have the ability to change anything?

I willingly surrendered the power that I had within me to take control over my entire life. In my eyes, everyone else had it easy, everyone else was naturally gifted in the areas I wanted to excel in, everyone else was just luckier than me.

Let me tell you, it was all a waste of time to be thinking that way.

It was a choice to be living in such helplessness. By avoiding the responsibility of making my own life better, I chose to live a life full of pain.

Learning to take control of what I could and seeing luck as tenacity became the best decisions I ever made. The combination of those two things was able to bring my life back into my own hands, allowing me to become the person I wanted to be.

By taking control of what I could, I learned how much influence I really had over myself. It gave me a sense of power over myself and my future, creating confidence that I never experienced before. Plus, it got rid of the extraneous worries about aspects of life that were out of my control, leading to less overall stress.

Learning that luck is just tenacity was also life-changing. Those who make great achievements in life tend to work extremely hard. Some may have it easier than others, but those who work the smartest and hardest tend to prevail. I learned that if I wanted to achieve anything in life, I would have to work for it, instead of hoping for any sort of luck to guide me to the end.

The final shift that was able to change my life was an emphasis on gratitude. For everything that goes on in life, it’s extremely easy to become frustrated and fed up. Learning to be grateful (or trying to be grateful) for everything in life is an amazing challenge, and it lessens the hold of those tiny frustrations over you.

For example, if you end up gorging on a bunch of junk food, you can choose to be grateful, instead of being mad at yourself. The self-talk can sound like “I appreciate the mechanisms that you have, brain, as the ability to overconsume food allowed us to survive for hundreds of thousands of years, but know that it’s not necessary anymore.” This way, you are being kind to yourself, gaining awareness of some of the mechanisms that are producing the actions that took place, forgiving yourself for doing them, and teaching yourself that it’s not necessary. In my own experience, this type of internal gratitude has led to greater self-control and greater self-appreciation.

The victim’s mentality would excuse this behavior as another reason to think that the world is against you, making the food have power over you.

Living a life full of gratitude, hard work, and selective control has enabled me to live the life that I want to live. I know for a fact that I will never relinquish the power over myself again, now knowing how much better life is this way.

If I can do it, you can too. Ditch the victim’s mentality. Put yourself in control.

It’s your choice.

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