Mental Health

I needed to write this so I could read this. | by Tommy Maloney | Nov, 2021

Tommy Maloney

I intend that these words are not empty but full of sincerity. The words are from my heart but are not coming from me but through me. Right now, I need you to understand that I am writing from a place of hope and not pity.

Today, you hear the phrase on many social media platforms “I am not sure who needs to hear this…” Guess what? I, too, am not sure who needs to read this? Maybe it is just me.

Do you want to change your life in some dramatic way? We all have three standards when it comes to change, job, weight, and relationship.

Do you want to change your thoughts from negative to positive?

Do you battle depression?

My world has recently changed. I consider myself a solopreneur. My definition of a solopreneur is one building a business all on their own. In my case, I also need to have a “day job.” Depression has started to take over my daily thoughts. You can call me a functioning person in a depressive state.

You might be going through something similar, and I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

On October 11th, I was fired from my job. Was it unexpected? Not really. The boss and I were not on the same page. Plus, in the 3.5 years, I was there, I was not a good fit. So, you might ask, was this when the depression came back? Nope.

When you are battling depression, do you have a name for it? Mine is called “fog.” Right now, the fog has rolled in.

Obviously, with now having time on my hands since I do not need to be at an airport on a Monday morning at the crack of dawn, I should be in my “happy place.” But, instead, the fog is here because I feel unworthy as a man, husband, and father.

Two forces are pulling me. The first one is the stress of finding a JOB. The other is figuring the “how” to get growth immediately from a business. My fog is here because I feel like a failure.

In our mind, we think that the world is going to be best without us. However, you and I both know that statement is NOT true. So why do we put those negative thoughts in our heads? The answer for me is selfishness.

Taming the negative self-talk is what I want to be able to control. In my head, all I hear is, nobody wants to hire you; stop the podcast because you have so few downloads or you are a waste of space. Do you have thoughts along those lines?

I wanted to write this to share that many of us struggle with depression. I am home with our dog Otis as I write this. When I am home alone, one of the first things I do is open all the curtains. I picked up this tip from Shannon Carpenter, who wrote a book about stay-at-home dads. As a result, I feel a little better looking outside and seeing sunshine (we average 300 days of sun here in Colorado).

Something else that might help you and I need to write this in several places to see it in rooms. Michelle Wax is a happiness expert. She starts off her day by asking herself three questions.

  1. What can I look forward to today?
  2. What has the potential to stress/worry me today, and how will I choose to respond to it?
  3. How do I want to feel at the end of the day, and what do I need to do (or not do) to make this a reality?

You can use these three questions to help you transform into the person you want to be. I asked you earlier what changes do you want to make? I can tell you about my depression, and a trick that I want to share with you goes hand in hand with the three questions.

When I look forward to something, and I know it seems like a moment where we do a facepalm is to substitute depression with looking forward to an event. Initiate a coffee date with someone. Schedule a call to a friend who you have not spoken to in a while. Write that business plan and execute the idea.

I will confess that as I started to write this, I was in a depressed mood. However, after writing this, I feel optimistic and ready to take a forward step toward building a sustainable business.

What changes are you going to put effort into today? What are you looking forward to today? Who are you going to reach out to and brighten their day?

I was right; I was the one who needed to read this.

Tommy Maloney is the Executive producer and host of the podcast Blending The Family, where you can find Apple Podcasts, Iheart Radio, Spotify, and Stitcher Radio.

Tommy has spoken at TEDx, Ignite Fort Collins, and Keynote Speaker at Everything Dad Convention. He even has won speaking awards through Toastmasters International.

The author of the book “25 Tips For Divorced Dads.” “Why not you, Why Not Me” and His new book, “My Dad’s Advice At 5:04 AM,” are coming out in November 2021. He has written for magazines: The Good Men Project, Modern Gladiator, and Nurture Magazine. Plus, he has been a guest writer.

Tommy enjoys a good red blend while writing or hiding from the family. A dad to Betsy, Becca, Connor, and Duke (RIP), Otis. A husband to Ann.

Anyone considering suicide should contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1–800–273–8255 or chat with someone live on its Website.


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