Love is natural. Love is not a Game | by Joaquin Gomez | Sep, 2021

Love is not a Game

Joaquin Gomez
Photo by Gabby Orcutt on Unsplash

My father once told me that when “you want a girl you have to be a spy. You have to get all the info on her infiltrate her group of friends, and after you get all of that info you plan your attack”. That Romantic Love or Eros is something that can be forced and that it doesn’t happen naturally. On the other hand, people like C.S. Lewis believe that it happens naturally through 4 stages specifically Agape, Storge, Philia, and Eros. How this happens is that it first starts as Agape which is God’s Love. This starts when we are kids wherein, we are taught God’s love, and it is here we are taught our initial understanding of love. Then it goes on to Storge which Is family love, the love we get from our families, and the love we develop for our families. It is after these two stages that we gain an understanding of love. Then we move on to Philia or brotherly love this is where friendship comes in the bonds with our friends develop until romantic love or eros begins. If you were to ask me which one, I would support I would say C.S. Lewis’s belief in love is better. I am not saying that my father is wrong his way can get you a girl but not a wife. When I find a girl, I want someone with who I will spend the rest of my life. Just like when Miller said, “They courted, which I understood to mean he had become Amish. But he explained courting is a lot like dating without the head games” (140).
Which I honestly prefer because dating with head games gives you more trouble than it’s worth. It stresses you out thinking Is she tricking me? Or Am I really her only boyfriend? And many more questions that just give you headaches. I want a girl who I can be happy with a girl that I can be comfortable around when I am alone with her. Just like Don’s friend Paul said “You know, Don, marriage is worth the trade. You lose all your freedom, but you get this friend. This incredible friend” (144). That is what I want, I want to have this friend. I want to be as happy as Miller’s friend Paul when I get married as seen in Miller’s and Paul’s conversation
“Paul, will you be honest with me if I ask you something?”
“Are you happy?”
“Define happy.”
“Are you glad you married Danielle?”
Paul puts the stem of his pipe back in his mouth.
“I am happy, Don. I am very happy” (145).
I want to be able to have a conversation with someone wherein I say the exact words that Paul said to Miller. I don’t want to have a girl that I don’t enjoy being with I want to be with someone who I can just cuddle with on our couch and just watch our shows together. Just like when Miller said, “She is very much in love with him, and he with her”(143). And I believe it is through C.S. Lewis 4 loves that I may be able to achieve this kind of love, that true romantic love develops from your childhood days wherein you get your initial understanding of love, then as you get older you gain friends in which you get interested in and then you arrive at romantic love.
I am not sure if what I am saying is accurate, but If I ever meet my beloved one day and if it was our wedding I would say:

Dearest beloved,
You are the most precious being in my heart, I love you as I love God, I love you so much that I want to have a family with you. You are the greatest friend I could ever ask for. I just want to go back home with you cuddle on the couch as we watch our favorite shows. I want to go around the world together with you and share every moment of my life with you. And one day if we have kids, I promise that we will have the greatest time ever and that I will make sure that you will have no regrets about your decision in marrying me for as long as I live. I know that my promises might be empty and that I might not be able to keep all of them. And I will for sure annoy you with some of my habits, but I swear that I will do my best to fix them. All I ask is that you watch me. As I fulfill, I promise because if you know me then you know that I always keep my promises.

Your husband

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