Mental Health

Memento Mori. Journaling with Montaigne | by Jamie Ryder | Dec, 2023

Journaling with Montaigne


Journal Entry 1:

Muscular dystrophy. You hate those words. You’ve never hated anything more in your life. People you can do something about. You can fire them, walk away from them, tell them anything you like. With a disease, it’s like screaming at the wind and you do it anyway because it’s all you know how to do.

The doctor told you that you’re not alone. Mary did too. They told you writing about how you’re feeling might make a difference and you go along with it because you want to show your wife that you can process things like a normal person.

All you’re doing is going through the motions. Ticking a box, telling them the things they want to hear. There’s too much to do. Too much to think about.

No one can see you like this. Most of all William. You’ve got to set the example for him.

Journal Entry 2:

You fell over today. In the middle of the office in front of everyone. In front of the people who look up to you and expect you to have your shit together. In front of the lads from Bentley.

So fucking embarrassing.

You dusted yourself off and laughed like nothing happened, but you can’t let it happen again. You need to keep a steady hand on the ship and stay the course.

You’ve built this agency with your own two hands. You’ve come from the depths of poverty, from the streets of clawing and scrapping for a seat at the table. Seeing the whole thing crumble isn’t an option. Surrender isn’t an option.

Remember what your old man told you. Keep a stiff upper lip and never let the bastards see you sweat.

Journal Entry 5:

You felt the stiffness in your bones while you kicked the ball around with William. You were slow all day. Did he notice how slow you were? Does he see the weakness?

He’s still at that age where the whole world is a great big wonder. But he sees things. You know deep down he’s like you. Old before his time. You’re not old and you already feel like an old man.

You need to protect him. You want his childhood to be everything yours wasn’t. Safe and certain. He deserves to be a kid. He doesn’t need…

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