Mental Health

SUNKEN HEART. Today, I begin something new. Maybe I… | by SOLITUDE | Nov, 2021

Photo by Joe Beck on Unsplash

I don’t know if I’ll ever have the words to describe the past few months. My limbs ache. My soul aches. I never imagined that things could change so quickly, that those you thought were, were not.

Violating a child is cowardly. It’s an ultimate act of betrayal, fueled by selfishness, greed, and a cruel sense of entitlement. The doer of an act so obscene.

Recently, I’ve been experiencing ongoing health struggles, exhausted from a strenuous, taxing race against a lifetime of trauma. Although I can’t seem to put down Miss America By Day, I also know that I’m enthralled and expectedly triggered due to the stunned realization that I’m not alone. There’s someone else who’s been through what I’ve been through — Whose felt what I feel. I’m not crazy.

But that also means, it really happened. I can’t believe it. I don’t know how to believe it.

Experiencing violation at such a frequency in a state of absolute helplessness would make the most sound man mad. I will never tolerate debate over disclosure of such a stigmatized and gutwrenching experience of terror. Shame on you.

If you are a survivor of the ugliest word in the English language, I’m so sorry.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever recover. If it is ever really possible to truly recover from such an invasion? I don’t know, I’m definitely still figuring it out.

I’m not too sure what this blog is going to be, but I hope it will be an outlet. One day, I hope that my soul rests in the security of serenity. I pray for a tomorrow of inner peace and an unwavering reclaiming of worthiness. I hope you come along with me on this journey.

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