Mental Health

Three Pillars of a Successful Relationship | by Shinjan Ghosh | Jan, 2022

Photo by Gert Stockmans on Unsplash

A successful relationship is all about the right ingredients

Relationships are like a well-cooked dish. You are aware of the dish you want to make but it needs the knowledge of the right ingredients and the correct amount to make the dish a masterpiece.

Shinjan Ghosh

Relationships are tough as said by most people who loved and lost and by those who loved but lost. In the world of technology, sometimes I find art to be losing its touch, feeling like a fish out of water, feeling like something out of place. In this world, when the craft is something to focus on, art is getting ignored. Here lies the problem with present-day relationships as well. We are more into criteria for relationships than for research purposes and the more we go on ticking on what we wanted, the more we shift from the spontaneity associated with love. That day a client of mine said, “You know, I don’t need this kinda girl. I mean she is not that into pop music as I am and that’s a turn off”. I smiled and looked at him, deciding to end a relationship on the basis of the taste of music. I questioned, “what is the problem with this difference in taste?” and he again had an interesting yet funny answer. “You know, we can’t groove together, ah…I wanna groove on pop with the one I love”, he said. I smiled again and had just one question to ask, “So, what is more important? Grooving on pop or the one you claim to LOVE?”.

People have different opinions on what is most important in a relationship. While some say it’s about similar opinions, some also focus on the differences and endorse the age-old concept of opposite attracts. Well, I personally feel that it may be that opposite attracts but does opposite maintain and sustain? That’s what we should dig more about. Most people have one answer in common and that’s LOYALTY and just like other factors, this is also a pretty vague point. Loyalty is something that develops and forms a basis of the nature of someone strictly specific to situations. I mean one may be loyal to their romantic partner but highly disloyal to their business partners and vice versa. If we just focus on loyalty then a person who is only loyal to his or her partner but never communicates properly or has no time for their partner will be considered a good match and will that be correct?

“Trio” is something that is pretty attractive and marketable, be it Dil Chahta hai or Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. In order to be our own therapist, we will also be looking at a trio of factors that can be focussed on and nourished by couples in order to make their relationship long and peaceful. I call them the DPC of relationships and these are “Dedication”, “Passion” and “Consistency”. The dedication you have towards your partner must be reflected not only in your words but also in your actions. Dedication is not about giving gifts on birthdays and anniversaries but it is mostly about listening without judgements, motivating the person towards their passion and being there for them unconditionally. Passion is what comes next and this is highly misunderstood by many. Passion is about the spark and desire to be together both mentally and physically. This desire includes our wish to cuddle, travel places, cook together, make things together, have passionate sex and also looking at each other’s eyes for a long time and just complimenting the view. Now, it’s not recommended to try these things for some days and then leave them aside like “4 dino ka Pyaar oo Rabba, Lambi judaai, Lambi judaai”. Thus, there is a huge need for maintaining and being there for some time and thus, Consistency becomes the third wheel of this cart of relationships.

Now, being said all of that, I would love to end this chitchat with another snippet from another session of mine. The girl asked, “what do you think is most important in the relationship for nourishing the trio you discussed?” I looked at her and gently said, “the most underrated skill-Communication”. She smiled and just while she was about to leave the chamber, she turned and asked again, “What do you think is the goal of a relationship, if any?” I was highly impressed by her sheer curiosity and I couldn’t help from saying it aloud, “Though I believe in the journey more than the destination yet in case of relationships, I guess the goal is to be at PEACE”.

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