Battling cancer unknowingly, for a year, can be quite a drag.
I didn’t realise my body was fighting such an important issue within me.
I had assumed, as a mum of four, that it was their fault !
The children were sucking the life out of me, that must be it.
Or perhaps it was my new job – becoming a teaching assistant, of reception no less, could be where all my energy was pouring into.
An unquenchable faucet that just keeps draining you…
Maybe it was stress? Hubby had just been made, in almost all ways, redundant in his job. The weight of becoming the bread maker was drawing out the pain in my bones.
Or it could have been this. Cancer.
Making my hair fall out and forcing me to walk like a penguin in the mornings.
Making me fall asleep in random places at odd times – drove my husband barmy!
Made my joins scream at me and I lost my ability to safety lift a kettle, having been burnt too many times with weak wrists.
Cancer kept me awake at night almost in rebellion.
I had my mind under control, oh yes! No “what ifs” happening here.
But sleep evaded me, and it meant my body didn’t rest or heal or recuperate.
I was dying a slow death of exhaustion and blissful ignorance.
I didn’t know something was trying to kill me.
After surgery, when I finally broke, my best friend messaged me and said this
Now you have the facts . Now you know. Your body has been fighting tooth and nail against something quite terrifying and is now healing beautifully. But now your brain needs to heal.
Got to love friends. I am recovered physically as much as anyone can after cancer surgery. But now I need to heal my mind.