When my mum died, I felt so much pain because she was a young 53 years old woman, she was beginning… | by Oloruntoba Oluwatosin | Sep, 2021

When my mum died, I felt so much pain because she was a young 53 years old woman, she was beginning to get me, we had long chats, calls. There was friendship in our relationship, asides from being my mother, I was always eager to talk to her like a lover we had dreams together, goals and targets so when she died close to her promotion day, my heart was so heavy because she carried and transferred too much love for me just like that she had to go, well this mother’s love topic is for another day.
Then I realized I started to compare grief in my depression stage in the year 2020 where a lot of people lost their loved ones, as we all know the five stages of grief which is five stages of grief”, which are: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. thought to myself that there is nothing like losing a mother and said to me my pain must be more than everyone almost forgetting the gift of my dad, siblings, grandparents, close relations, and friends, dwelt so much on the fact that my pain was deeper than everyone who has lost someone.
I even had people with distorted mindsets telling me that losing my mother was equivalent to not having any parent at all even when my dad was fully showing me, love. When I saw people who lost a parent or loved one who was 80 and above. I always thought to my self why do they have to grief so much, with the thought in my mind that they spent so much time with them so why should they be so sad or grief so much.
After that, I had to rethink of negative things that I let get to me, got better, and started becoming grateful for the love I have around me, my mum wasn’t present but she left so much love in our family that radiated around me.
Comparison is always a thief of joy, I’m not saying you can’t grief your loved one, you can but don’t allow it to take over your feelings and peace or give you resentment, heal and get joy. That’s how you can appreciate that love.
 Well in my time of meditation, research I begin to understand we grief who we love. It doesn’t matter the age, time, specifications, relationship. The key determinant of Grief is love and love is the greatest gift of all I was grateful to have loved someone that much.

Grief is different for everyone, and no one can judge the size of it or the depth of it regardless of how good or bad their relationship was with the deceased yours.

It is because we love that we grieve, and we are lucky to have known that love.”

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